So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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