That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
