That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
