It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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