At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
