margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
