I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
