you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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