My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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