I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
