I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
