I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
one might say we're banned from that church
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
