I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
