Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
