Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
