After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
