Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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