The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
