no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
