Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
