dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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