I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
