Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
