youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
