Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
