I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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