I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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