Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
