I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
