so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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