After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Less talking, more tequila
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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