for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
