bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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