I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
