Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
