is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
