Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
