When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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