remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
