The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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