So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everclear isn't food dammit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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