I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
