Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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