Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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