My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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