Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
