No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
