Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
