Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize