you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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