why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
