You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
