Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
