She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize