i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My penis needs a shock collar
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
