omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
