you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You're like the curious george of whores
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
