R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
