HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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