I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
