Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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