$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The power of my boobs compel you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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