You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude i'm inner monologue high
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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