While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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