I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
