i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
