I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
