Dual....:-)
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
