Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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