I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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