I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize