I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
