I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
