you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so let's talk penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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