The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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