Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize