what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
