No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
