YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
