I looked at my own cervix.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
