I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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