Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
