Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
