Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
